the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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