just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
