I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i came on her dog
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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