if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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