do herpes really smell.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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