Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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