Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
