I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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