burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
