His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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