im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize