When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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