your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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