I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
