And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
