1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
