But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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