remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
how drunk are you?
Several
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
