No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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