There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
