You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
