rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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