He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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