Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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