i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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