yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
