You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
