Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
