Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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