i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
