in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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