he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
