she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
