i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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