just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
