there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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