Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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