I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
