I never want to see another naked old woman again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize