drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
