Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
