We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
