First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
