He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
