I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
