Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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