the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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