DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
