one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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