Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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