we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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