wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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