never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
