Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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