erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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