we're blogging at a bar
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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