god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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