Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
