I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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