I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
