So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
