Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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