Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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