do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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