just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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