you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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