If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
