she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
