so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
