just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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