So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
