he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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