i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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